i think i love being chinese

I've never really dwelt on my being Chinese American. I grew up in a predominantly Asian American community in the LA suburbs, the church I've attended since I was a fetus is 98% Chinese and is located in LA Chinatown, and I attend a university that's by and large Asian American...it's just sort of been a way of living/operating. I don't think I'm culturally inept or incapable of interacting with people of other cultures (unless I'm just insanely deluded), but puttering down the usual path of social development and being exposed to other cultures and people who have had vastly different upbringings has made me more keenly aware of what it means to be Chinese American. And it's not like I've completely got a handle over my ethnic identity, but I know I've learned to really, really love parts of being Chinese.

 

Yesterday Chenz and I hopped on the bus to Oakland Chinatown and bought a box full of Chinese pastries from Napoleon (the bakery) and munched on steamed buns from Shan Dong. It felt...so good. Like home. Like part of who I am and where I come from. 

And it's really not just Chinese food...I got groceries in Chinatown and it was somehow very comforting when I was totally bumping into Chinese grannies while paying for my produce selections (I horded nearly a dozen of what are probably the last of the summer's white nectarines) and bumping into people with all my plastic bags. It was comfortable because I knew I didn't have to keep saying "excuse me" and "pardon me." It's not about courtesy and manners (I swear, I have them...unless, again, I am just sadly deluded)--I just didn't have to feel pressured to be constantly apologizing because, well, the Chinese grannies simply weren't fussed by it. For better or for worse, sometimes Chinese simply just don't care if they're in someone else's way and vice versa (at least that's what I've experienced in my twenty plus years).

I'm not entirely sure if that all made sense, but anyway, being in Chinatown today was refreshing. I just felt at home--and that I didn't have to prove myself in any way, because I already know it--the places, the food, the people. And that is, a very beautiful thing.

On another note, Chenz: my mirror. We were matching again. We really don't plan these things. Chenz, you're home to me too. And you, you + me--a beautiful thing.