taking the day for myself

Yes, again.

I don't know...just want to be selfish about my time. That's alright, right? I'm skipping all my afternoon classes, had a latte and the requisite accompanying scone, and might buy myself some honey roasted almonds later.

I've been turning--what else?--the future over in my mind. I fret. I worry. What am I to do? I'm only twenty-one, if that's supposed to give some fresh perspective on things. It feels like a world of possibilities is unfurling at my feet--but very few options are presenting themselves. I feel so keenly and painfully aware that there is yet so much of life to live. And how all the more acutely sensible I am to my own inadequacies and trembling fears. I had a slight/major anxiety attack the other night--it was very much spiritual. So I prayed out loud--well, I pretty much was yelling. Told Satan not to tempt me to despair, reprimanded him for even thinking to touch that which has been redeemed by God. Then I told God that I trust Him and that I want to be wherever He is, whatever that means for me specifically. There is so much of life I have yet to taste, to feel--and it is only by Your grace that I am even able to do so.